After the third incident, nobody in her apartment building questioned her sword-wielding disposition and matter-of-factness. Indeed, Larry (the property manager), even gifted her tickets to this year's sword convention downtown.

What they didn't understand, was that her sword not only provided the necessary social lubrication for human behavior modification, but it also yielded the romance she lusted for.

Every morning, she would ritually glide her contemplative tongue over its slick steel surface, meditating on its vigor, virtues, and vehemence.

Her sword was her judge, jury, executioner, but more importantly, her sword was her lover.